Oh, how the not so mighty have fallen. Bevo is headed to the slaughter house, and Bob Stoops magicked his way to a win that kept his own seat cool for the time being. Past that, the Big 12 last weekend was a T.S. Elliot special … “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” but another weekend of bad but somewhat exciting football. 

1. Nobody. Seriously, not one team in the Big 12 deserves to top these rankings. The most talented team in the conference is .500. There are several bouts of identity crises occurring (TCU, Baylor, K-State), and … no. Nobody deserves to be No. 1 because we don’t believe in entitlement around here.

2. Oklahoma Sooners (2-2, 1-0) — How the Sooners managed to overcome a horrendous start against TCU – down 21-7 after the first quarter – only to nearly lose anyways in a shootout is the stuff that makes coaches go bald. This team is so talented it can’t help but wind up winning 9 or 10 games per season, but it is doing so while shaving years from its fans’ lives. #becausewecan

3. TCU Horned Frogs (3-2, 1-1) — If there was any doubt that TCU’s defense is stout in memory only, last Saturday sealed the deal. After getting its early lead, the Frogs were run over by the Sooners in the second and third quarters to the tune of 42-3. Even worse, of OU’s six touchdowns in that stretch, only one drive was shorter than 53 yards, and only one took longer than 2:48. Overall, TCU is giving up 31.4 ppg, the second worst mark under Gary Patterson, trailing only his 2004 squad (33.9). #forgettingwhoyouare

4. Baylor Bears (5-0, 2-0) — If the Bears were a souped up hot rod the past couple of years, they are about to pay the price for redlining the engine past morality and good judgment. Off the field, things keep going south for a program that, by a growing number of increasingly damaging accounts, did everything it could to trade morals for victories. All of it makes this year’s wins feel really hollow, and moving ahead … the future looks bleak as Baylor is dead last in Big 12 recruiting currently with only two … TWO … commitments. #wheelsfallingoff

5. Oklahoma State Cowboys (3-2, 1-1) — Thrashing Texas did a lot for Mike Gundy’s group in terms of getting some national run. We know this team can score points (41.2 ppg), and the defense seems to be serviceable. The Longhorns found out how dangerous ol’ Pistol Pete is in Stillwater this year. If he figures out how to be consistent on the road, look out. #comingtogether?

6. West Virginia Mountaineers (4-0, 1-0) — WVU looked as dead as the possum in a Mountaineer’s stew before it came from behind to beat K-State 17-16 at home. Credit goes to a gutty comeback against a good defense, but that won’t happen against teams that have any offense at all. Undefeated? Yes. Impressed by it? Not really. #donoteatpossumstew

7. Kansas State Wildcats (2-2, 0-1) — Since 1990, the Wildcats are 178-7 when leading at the half. Loss No. 7 was purely awful against West Virginia, where a 16-3 lead bled out and died in a 17-16 loss. The Big 12’s worst offense (109th of 125 nationally) again looked indecisive and mostly inept to such a level that blame goes all around, while one of the best defenses in the nation again goes unrewarded. But hey, Winston Dimel was held scoreless, so you know someone is probably unhappy and finally spurred to actually fix things … right Dana Dimel? #figureitout

8. Texas Longhorns (2-2, 0-1) — Egad, Charlie. Notre Dame seems so long ago. Rumors of your demise have been rampant, and all you have to do is get a win this weekend … wait, what? … you play Oklahoma? Aw man, if you thought the seat was hot this week, let’s see what the temperature is like after a third-straight loss. #overcookedsteak

9. Iowa State Cyclones (1-4, 0-2) — So. Damn. Close. So close to knocking off Baylor (and being everybody’s friend in the Big 12 this week). Maybe this team can stay focused on the positives that come with what was an unexpected and pretty remarkable effort until the end. And, though it won’t last, I don’t think, Cyclones fans can also sidle up to the fact that they are tied with Oklahoma State with the current No. 2 recruiting class in the Big 12, according to Rivals.com. #reddawn

10. Texas Tech Red Raiders (3-1, 1-0) — Here’s the thing with Texas Tech: It’s not even that much fun anymore to watch the Red Raiders play. They score points in bunches, but there’s no intrigue because you know they can’t stop anybody either (KU doesn’t count). It’s like playing EA Sports NCAA Football back in the day and finally getting too bored to care when your team racked up 60 points every simulation. This team will win a handful of games, but this iteration will maybe finish a game above .500 just because it gets every tough opponent at home in 2016. #dudebrohatesdefense

11. Kansas Jayhawks (1-3, 0-1) — The Jayhawks want to believe they are getting better, and maybe they are on a minuscule level. However, improving a play or two here or there isn’t nearly enough, and getting torched by a team’s backup QB wipes out all good vibes. Three ranked opponents await Kansas in the next five games before facing Iowa State. #noendinsight