The Crypto Chronicles: Fear the Sun

In a town somewhere off the main highways, where the local economy has been supported by a new mining industry, afternoons are filled with the hum of a power grid that dominates the landscape. In the evenings, in fact, everything bathes under digital light because miners never sleep.

Conversations at the local tech bar lately have centered on recent heavy rains, which have washed away many money trees. Add to that the increased rumors of new government oversight and laws regarding the town’s economy, and folks are nervous, even if they can see brighter days ahead. 

In fact, the sun has been peeking through the clouds lately – a lot more in the past three months. It’s made for a pleasant Friday evening, where we find several of the adult guys huddled on the bleachers during a high school football game … and keeping an eye on the sky.

As we settle on the metal seat next to the group, just within earshot, I’ll take a moment to welcome you to the beginning of the Crypto Chronicles …

Bitcoin: I’ll be damned. I thought it might rain again. It’s been a doozy this year. My money trees are barely producing fruit.

Tron: No kidding. I have lots of money trees but nothing on them. Hoping the sun finally comes out and stays out soon. I think it’s supposed to end of July sometime. That should help.

(Ethereum grumbles something)

Bitcoin: What’s that, Eth?

(A bit louder, Ethereum speaks, albeit much more slowly than the others)

Ethereum: The sun. Screw the sun. It’s overrated and doesn’t really do anything.

Cardano: Okay, easy, Eth. What’s the sun ever done to you?

Ethereum (louder still, but still slow and showing signs of strain with the increased energy): What’s it done to me? You serious, Clark?

Cardano: Oh, shoot. Here he goes. Guys … c’mon. Someone want to help here, please?

Bitcoin: Eth, no need to get worked up. We know you don’t like sun. Some people just don’t dig it.

(Ripple looks up from his Wall Street Journal app on his iPad)

Ripple: Yeah, some people are idiots, too.

Cardano: Ripple! Would you stop? I think it’s obvious Eth is having a hard time.

Ripple: That’s pretty sweet coming from the guy who just tried to kiss Tron on Twitter a few days ago. You get those digits?

(Doge, decked out in a cartoon dog t-shirt, cargo shorts, and a backwards ball cap, giggles and breaks into song)

Doge: And this is craaazy. So, here’s my number. Call me MAYYYY-BE!

Cardano: Hey, partnerships are important. We all know that. Right?

(Tron nods and whips out his smartphone, adorned in a bedazzled Jack Ma jacket. Ma’s face is in the center. His pupils are tiny Tron diamonds.)

Bitcoin: Man, that’s just weird.

Tron: I like it, and it’s mine, and it’s precious.

Ethereum: Seriously, you couldn’t be dumber.

Tron: Wanna race?

Ethereum: I hate you like I hate the sun.

(Ripple sighs and puts his iPad away.)

Ripple: So, I just read that our free-wheeling days might be numbered.

Bitcoin: What’s that mean?

Ripple: Well, you know how you were allowed to run a lottery and basically got to make up the rules for the game while you ran it? Because nobody really knew what kind of game you were playing? And then you raked huge because tons of people just started throwing money at it because they didn’t want to miss out? But nobody cared because you shared the wealth with a whole lot of people who signed up to play at the beginning?

Bitcoin (dreamily): Yeah … that was so darn fun.

Ripple: Apparently, it was so fun that our government and regulatory friends think they want in.

Cardano: A little cooperation and structure might be nice, actually.

Ripple: Might be, especially in the financial industry.

Tron: And entertainment.

Cardano: And science.

(Ethereum mutters again.)

Doge: Dude … you suck when you do that.

Ethereum: I just said I hope you all burn in hell. Especially Tron.

Bitcoin: Bitter isn’t a good look on you, my man.

Ripple: Have you ever seen him dressed any other way?

Doge (singing): Cuz ev’ry girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man!

(Tron jumps up, dances, and takes a selfie with everyone behind him.)

Tron: Yeah!

Ripple: He wasn’t singing about you, T-shirt boy.

Bitcoin: Okay, so more on this regulation thing…

Ripple: There’s not a lot there, yet. But, while we’ve been setting up our products in town here, countries are starting to notice how cool our way of life is.

Cardano: It is pretty sweet. Maybe sharing with them is a great option! I can tweet an invite!

Ethereum: Dumb.

Cardano: You have something better in mind?

Ethereum: I might. Just give me 10 years.

Tron: I can do it in a minute.

Doge: That’s what your girlfriend said.

Bitcoin: Ohhhh…. watch that Tron burn!

(Tron takes another selfie with Doge)

Tron: Good one, Doge. Actually, I’ll name this Snap “Burn, Tron, Burn!”

Ethereum: Stop.

Tron: I’ll snap right now. My peeps will love that. They love how fast I am.

Ethereum: Jesus H. … stop it.

(The sun breaks out from the clouds overhead)

Tron (looking up): Yeah! Maybe I’ll put a big ol’ sun on it.

Bitcoin: Ah, damn it. Here it…

(Ethereum stands up, clenches his right fist, and swings, too slowly, at Tron. The momentum carries Ethereum off the bleachers and onto the ground. Doge hops down and stands over him – his smiling face inches from Eth’s.)

Doge: Duuuuuuude. Swing, batter, batter! Swing!

(Tron jumps down in front of the other two, smart phone in hand, arm extended)

Ethereum: You mother…

(The image shows on Tron’s device.)

Tron: Totally going on Twitter. Holla!

****

Have an industry tip? What topics would you like to read about as we all grow with Crypto and Blockchain? Shoot an email to kitchenski@gmail.com with “Blog idea” in your subject line, or find me on Twitter at twitter.com/curtiskitchen. And, FULL DISCLOSURE: I am a Tron (TRX) and Ripple (XRP) investor. I am not a financial advisor. This content should not be used as a base for or considered to be financial advice.

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